Friday, November 22, 2013
Where to begin…I’m just going to start at the beginning and
try not to stop until I’ve left the beginning and gotten to somewhere in the
middle. Off to a great start! OK…so Mark and I pile in the car (we never
“get” in the car) and drive up to our nation’s Capital, Washington, District
(of) Columbia. We get to our sleep box,
er, hotel room, and “check in”. Then we decide to “check out” some local
eateries. Mark looked up a bunch of
places, and we settle on “THE PIG”, which serves, get this…PIG! And I won’t go into detail about our meal,
but I MUST tell you about our appeteaser:
it was a freshly baked (or fried) doughnut, with a huge slab of “face
bacon” on top, with butterscotch and hazelnuts drizzled over top. It was SO FRAKKIN GOOD. We sat at the bar,
and the ‘tender, Mac (we assume that’s his name because one of the Yelp reviews
told us to sit at the bar and get waited on by Mac) was great and had a crazy
accent. And that was our trip to DC! YAY!
HA! I’m going to end every paragraph that way. FYI. SOOOOO, we wake up in the morning and go downstairs and go to the local CVS and buy some odds AND ends for our trip to see the 2013 Presidential Medal of Freedom Ceremony (13PMoFC). Mark buys an orange juice and a little disc card for his camera, and I buy tic-tacs, chewing gum, and altoids, either because my breath is kickin, or because I’m going to need something to suck on so I don’t vomit on Obama. I promise that the majority of this will NOT be about my vomit. I couldn’t even drink coffee I was so nervous. I know! THE END.
So we get dressed and decide that it’s nice enough at 9am to
walk to the White House via our feet.
Mark tries to stop at a Starbucks with a mile long line, but I’m all
“It’s 9am and the ceremony starts at 1030am and the white house is 10 minutes
away…I don’t think we’ll have time to stop anywhere”. So we don’t because Mark is a wonderful
boyfriend who caters to my every freak-out.
Can you believe I’ve already written a page and haven’t even gotten to
the part where I called Patrick Leahy “Mr. Price” yet? ANYWHO (I’m also going to slip that in every
paragraph too. It’s one of my many
“things”) we walk to the White House and there’s like 5 people waiting against
a wall. We ask if they’re going to the ceremony and they say “Yes!” so we
decide to wait behind them. As you can
tell, I’m going to try not to leave any details out, since I suspect I will
forget most of this by the end of today.
So there we are waiting, with like, 4 hours until we can go in, and we
see Kristin Smith, daughter of Dean Smith, along with Coach Roy Williams (I
wouldn’t know his name, but as soon as I saw him, I recognized seeing his yell
face on TV during basketball games!)
Apparently he is/was a UNC basketball coach. There was another coach waiting with us
too. His name was (frantically looks up
on internet) Bill Guthridge. Some other
Smith family members were there, too, but I was not introduced to any of them
because….I don’t know why. I mean, I was
right there. But I digress. So we decide to wait with the Dean Smith
contingency until we enter “The People’s House”. Several people recognized Coach Williams and
asked for pictures and one woman even arrived with a basketball in a plastic
bag for him to sign. I thought she was
going to ask him to scrimmage!
Haahahaha, wouldn’t THAT have been a hoot! ANYWHO, THE END.
I can’t believe a) I’ve written this much without getting to any of the “juicy” stuff, and b) no one at work has asked why I’ve been typing so frantically all morning! But I digress. So where was I? Oh yes! Waiting in line with the Smithseses. So Kristin is a young Chapel Hillian who is very cool…her and Mark are friends from many moons ago. So she asks me, get this, if I’m a UNC fan. Now, WE both know I don’t even know what “UNC” stands for, but that the answer is “no”. So, as I’m standing there, surrounded by a UNC basketball LEGEND, a UNC basketball legend’s FAMILY, and the Mayor of Chapel Hill, I say “ehhhh…I’m starting to be!”, and everyone at once looked disappointed, and physically ill. So the line begins to get longer, but not TOO long, surprisingly, and at 1045ish, someone gives the OK, and they begin to want to let us in! Even though the actual ceremony was supposedly going to start at 1030am. So me and Mark begin the quiet freak out that is “I hope that we’re on the guest list!!!!!” but it turns out we TOTALLY are! We started freaking out about it after a horrible story from the Mayor of SF about how he wasn’t on “the list” and got denied access. BUT, I saw the word “debellis” on there. So we walk up the little paved path towards another checkpoint outside. It’s another list (the same one as the first I can only assume) and we STILL have to show them our ID and they STILL have to cross our names off. But of course we’re still on the list, so we get to go up to this weird little trailer, which is checkpoint number 3. So we go in one by one, and just stand on this mat. There’s no devices around, or anything, so I didn’t quite understand what the point was until Mark told me there were sniff dogs behind the wall! Isn’t that amazing?? Technology! So we proceed to a FOURTH gd checkpoint, which is the dreaded WH metal detector. Which has NOTHING to do with the 13PMoFC medal, but it’s funny to think that it does! ANYWHO, I take out my tic-tacs, altoids, etc. and I PASS the metal inspection with flying colors! I wonder if they talked about my stash of mint flavored candy after I left. I can only imagine they did. So we walk back OUTSIDE and then up the steps to the White House! Now, to paint a picture, there are guards everywhere, and all of them are smiley, HOT, and super nice and polite. “Welcome to the White House!” they’d say! It was wonderful. So Mark and I get all giggly cuz “we’re in!”. and we walk in, and there’s pictures and portraits every which way. And lots of red carpet. We head straight ahead, to the coat room, which apparently doubles as a movie theatre??
Anyway, we check our coats and continue to
walk up the stairs, past all the photos (we would take a better glance at them
on the way out) and little side rooms; we later learned the library and the
bathroom were on this floor (we would take a better glance at them on the way
out). We get up to the top of the steps
and there’s the White House band! They
were great! There was also a small bar
across the way, which offered juice, wine, and champagne. I grabbed a champagne, because hi, and texted
YOU! Actually, that happened a couple
minutes later. We were standing in that
room looking around all giddy, waiting for them to open the doors to the East Room,
and who should walk up the stairs but Steven “Sondheim” Spielberg! We (Mark, Kristin, and I) freak out, take a
secret picture (insert pic here) and I text you about my drinking with
Spielberg. More mingling, more mingling…and
then I see a man who I THOUGHT was David Price (Mark told me he was going to be
there), and I uncharacteristically physically got in his way (he looked like he
was in a rush/bad mood) and said “Mr. Price!
I’m Matt DeBellis!” and shook his hand.
I almost said “I work at Planned Parenthood right next door to your
office!”, but he was gone before I could say that. And then Mark told me that *wasn’t* David
Price, which was funny because I’d actually been to a function where David
Price spoke, so I KNEW what he looked like.
So that happened. AND THEN…they
opened the door to the EAST ROOM! And we
hurriedly walked in. There were tons of
camera people lined against the back.
Straight ahead was the stage and the podium. The first woman we met when we walked in
asked if we were guests and motioned for us to take a seat on the left hand
side. But then five feet ahead of us,
another usher motioned for us to sit on the right, so we did. Directly THREE ROWS behind Steven Spielberg,
who was in the front row. The
family/”special” guests sat in the middle section, like Oprah’s girlfriend
“Gayle” and her boyfriend “Steadmon”. So
the room packs in, and it’s like, PACKED.
Like, we’re sitting on each other’s faces laps. Then the announcement of Vice President Biden
and Jill Biden! We didn’t know for sure
if they were going to be there. But they
were! And then the announcement of the
medal recipients! Actually, those
announcements were probably switched around.
Anyway, Dean Smith’s wife was there accepting on his behalf (she wasn’t
waiting in line with us because the recipients had to do a run-through
beforehand). And we saw Oprah! And Gloria Steinham! And Bill Clinton! And…I wanna say Lyle Lovett, but I KNOW
that’s not right. I also wanna say Lydia
Lovell, but she was just voted to be the first lesbian mayor in NC. Ughhh..her name is escaping me right
now! Loretta Lynn! That’s who it was! Also, Sally Ride’s partner was there to
accept on her behalf (she passed away last year). Same goes for Bayard Rustin, who was MLK Jr’s
OPENLY GAY right hand man. It was very
sad. THE END!
So we’re in there, and Mark spots Hillary Clinton, who’s in center, front. But I can’t see well, because I’m not wearing my glasses, because I don’t want there to be ANYTHING in between me and seeing Obama. Even vision! He’s just pointing at the woman in green with crazy hair. And I’m all “Hillary would never wear her hair like that!”, but it turns out it was her!! What was she thinking?????????? ANYWHO, they make the announcement for Obama and Michelle! And everyone freaks out. And I’m like “Matt, if you’re gonna vomit, now’s the time!”, but I don’t. As soon as he begins talking, I calm down, and chew my gum a little bit slower (my mom said she could see me on CNN chewing gum. Hi.). INSERT video of 13PMoFC here! I also took lots of pictures. Barrack was funny and charming, per usual. He also hugged Clinton, which was sweet, because there was some tension about that as of late. Anyway, the ceremony happened, and it was great! So then Obama repeats a line from LAST YEAR’S PMoFC: “I hear the food’s pretty good around here” and everyone laughs and I shout “YOU SAID THAT LAST YEAR”, but no I didn’t! I WANTED to, but I love him so much, it doesn’t MATTER what I want. So everyone stands up to leave and it’s a PROCESS, so we walk around the room and touch the drapes, which are thick! And Mark grabs Oprah’s seating name tag, WHICH SHE SAT ON! I KNOW! This girl ahead of us was like “*I* wanted to do that! Can you grab me Clinton’s seat tag?” and we all laugh, but I think she was serious. WE DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING, LADY! The Medal recipients were ushered elsewhere along with anyone associated with the Obama administration. OR SO WE THOUGHT! So we eventually make it back out into the hall, and people are kind of mulling around, and there’s frikkin JOE BIDEN! And I’m like “Mark, we have to go talk to him!” because, Biden called him AND sent him a letter after his election. So I drag Mark over and I’m like waiting for Biden to finish flirting with all these old women, and I finally run up and say “Hi Mr. Biden! I’m Matt DeBellis, and this is my partner..” and before I can finish, Mark has his hand out, introducing himself as the Mayor of Chapel Hill. Biden lights up and pulls us into a huddle and points at MY CHEST (HE TOUCHED ME) and says “A lot of people give me credit for coming out for marriage equality early, but you guys are the fighters!” and then him and Mark have this exchange where they talk about if there weren’t gay people, all of the pretty straight woman would be taken! And we all laughed and laughed and got a photo with him (his aide’s idea! He was super cool and relaxed as well) and then I realized I was in love with Joe Biden. THE END!
So, they opened all the doors in that hallway (they had been closed prior to the ceremony) and we pass all of them and go STRAIGHT to the end, where the food was (Obama hears it’s pretty good! Hardy har har) and the room is pretty empty, save for the motherfrakkin CLINTONS! Seriously, there were about 10 people in there. And food. And David Price! Chomping away like there’s no tomorrow. *I*, on the other hand, was pumped up from the Biden experience and was looking for my next victim. I contemplated waiting for Bill to finish his convo and going up to him, but then I said to myself “Hillary’s got a lot of buzz…let’s wait on her!”, so I awkwardly stood next to her, ignoring everything else that was going on, while she finished talking to people. And as the room became busier, more people CUT IN FRONT OF THE NON-EXISTANT LINE I WAS IN TO CHAT WITH HER. But Hillary SENSED me waiting for her. I just know it. Maybe it was because I was staring at her. Who can say for sure. But then as I’m about to approach her FINALLY, this woman, who later turned out to be Mazie Hirono (a Hawaiian Congresswoman) asks if she could speak to Hill real fast and I’m like “ok, as long as you take a picture of me and her!” And she says “OK! And you take a picture of me and her!” and she hands me her camera and I basically am standing there waiting for them to finish talking and holding Mazie’s camera. Halfway through, Mazie turns to me and says “You can start taking pictures, you know” and Hillary’s like “Yeah” and I was like “Oh, sorry. “ and I start clicking away with Mazie’s camera:
SHE FINALLY FINISHES in time for the 14PMoFC, and then I introduce myself to Hillary, and introduce Mark. She could have cared less about me, but was semi-interested in Mark’s Mayorism. He invited her to Chapel Hill and she said thanks and Mazie snapped a photo, although she wasn’t sure that she had, and the Clinton experience ends. Then we decide to saddle up to the food bar, pig out, and gawk at all the celebs that are in the now packed room. We finally talk to David Price (or, I finally listen to him, now that I’ve accosted Hillary), and we mingle more with Kristin and the Mayor of Creedmoor NC, who was sitting in front of us with his lovely wife at the ceremony. Mark decides he wants an updated photo op with Bill Clinton (they were on a panel together for something in 1992), but before we can, all the celebs are whisked away. Even Chelsea Clinton! And we are left to bask in hors d’ oeuvres. We then decide to scope out the other rooms on that floor…the blue room, the red room, the green room, all the portraits, etc. We sat on all the furniture, I called my mom from the White House, and we were just giddy about the whole event. We even saw Nancy Pelosi! We walked past one of the rooms and saw Sally Ride’s partner sitting alone on the sofa looking sad. I wish we had gone up to her. But we didn’t. My first regret of the day. Maybe I’ll write her a letter. I don’t know. The whole thing just saddens me. THE END!
ANYWHO, the room is slowly emptying and everyone is moving on with their lives. We meet up again with Kristin and the Smiths (not the band), and as we’re saying goodbye, Linnea Smith (Dean Smith’s wife) says she wants to say goodbye to Gloria Steinham, who she had bonded with during the ceremony (they were seated next to each other). So that was neat seeing them hug with a whole plate of food in Gloria’s mouth. I mean, how often will I get to see that?!?! But I will never forget it! So we eventually wander out and head back downstairs to the coat check room, but not before we watch the band play some Beatles songs, take a picture of the bassoonist (represent!), and the back of Nancy Pelosi’s head. We go back down, and try to LITERALLY soak in the rest of the White House. We look at all the pictures on the first floor…mostly photographs of events that took place in the East Room, like John Travolta and Princess Di dancing! And then we go to the library and sit on all the furniture, and Marks goes to the bathroom, and I go in with him, though I don’t actually GO to the bathroom. Though I should have! That’s my second regret of the day. And then we get our coats and walk out! And that’s it! It was pretty crazy. We had planned on sticking around DC for the day, but we were both on such a high and all we wanted to do was talk about everything that had just happened. So we drove home, but not before stopping at the Nottaway Restaurant on I-85, a recommendation from David Price, who I also talked to briefly in the food room (I wish I knew what the actual name of that room was?) hang on…I’ll internet it…oh, it’s the State Dining Room! DUH! Here’s a map for your visualization:
So yeah, I asked if David Price’s office was next to Planned Parenthood and he said YES! Isn’t that thrilling. So yeah. I wonder if I left anything/anybody out. There was a guy that both Mark and I thought looked like Ted Cruz, but it couldn’t have been him, could it?????? Oh, Mark did say congratulations to Arturo Sandoval while HE had a plate of food in his mouth, and he was like “shranksm”, but it was crazy because everyone was focused on your Spielbergs and your Clintons, that no one was really paying any attention to the other recipients. So yeah. THE END! Hopefully, I will one day get to meet Obama in person and touch his hand and/or face, and he can touch my face as well. He was out of that east Room so fast, I never got a chance. And Michelle was there, apparently, although we only saw her walk in the room. I think that’s all I got for now. My co-workers have now begun to suspect that I haven’t done a single piece of work since 9am (it’s now 12:24pm). I should go.
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